Last week, I had a physical. I was very resistant to going to my appointment. I feared that the doctor would tell me that I needed to lose weight which would trigger my feelings of shame. Really, I already felt (and feel) shame. I feared that my blood pressure would be up, and my doctor had already advised that I consider taking medication which I’ve resisted. I’ve been worried that perhaps I might be diagnosed with diabetes. I consider myself to be healthy, in spite of being overweight. I was afraid that maybe that was no longer true.
The great news is that I continue to be healthy! My blood pressure is down and within the normal range, probably because I’m no longer teaching. My blood test results show that my blood sugar is within normal range, and my cholesterol and triglycerides are also normal. My doctor didn’t given me a big lecture about my weight as I’d feared. It was a good report.
So now what? I do want to maintain my good health. I want to love my body unconditionally. I know that weightloss would be good for me physically. I want to feel good in my body. I want to feel good about how my body looks.
Something shifted in my this week. I think I’m ready to take a harder look at what I eat and make some changes. I’ve been resisting a healthier food plan, like the Fat Smash diet because I haven’t wanted to give up sweets and carbs. I like carbs. But I also know that I need to focus on eating more non-carby foods to stay healthy.
Last year, I asked to have my blood tested for insulin and my results showed a high level indicating insulin resistance. Insulin is a fat storing hormone, which makes it harder for me to lose weight and easier for me to gain it. Carbs and sweets trigger insulin production to keep my blood sugar regulated. My body just doesn’t process carbs and sugar the way most people do. It’s healthier for me to avoid carbs and sugar. I believe this to be true, given the information that I’ve read, my personal experience, and the data from my blood work.
I really like carbs and sugar. But I can’t have my cake and eat it too. Literally. At least not most of the time if I want to be healthy.
But I don’t want to be crazy about eating a low-carb diet like I’ve been in the past. I don’t want to become obsessed with food or fearful of carbs. I don’t want to eat only Macademia nuts for three days, or starve myself into losing weight. I want to have choices about what I eat without limiting myself to eggs for breakfast every morning and shrimp for lunch everyday. I do want to eat vegetables, salads, fruit, and maybe some low-glycemic carbs like oatmeal and brown rice. I’d like to end up somewhere between the Fat Smash diet (phase 1) and the Atkins diet.
So I’m planning my tranisiton. I am going to be conscious about the carbs that I eat during the next week. I’m going to avoid sweets and make some low-carb dishes to enjoy for Thanksgiving. I am making a plan to start eating foods on the Fat Smash diet on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I’m making a plan about how to handle food at social events that I have coming up in the next few weeks.
I know that I would be healthier if I lost some weight. Loving my body as I am today and losing weight don’t have to be opposing goals. I can eat more healthfully for my body without becoming obsessed or focusing on a number on the scale.
In May, I have another check-up scheduled with my doctor. My goal is to weigh at least twenty pounds less than I do now. I think that’s reasonable. I’ll get to my goal by avoiding carbs and sweets, eating lots of healthy veggies and protein, and exercising on most days.
I think I’m ready.